Pre-marital Guidance and Counselling

God wants you to have a strong and godly family. He wants you to raise godly kids that will walk in His ways. After you become firmly established in your walk with God, you should find a partner who is willing to tow the same path with you. Your spouse should be your first disciple. Your spouse should be someone who shares your faith and convictions.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
~Ephesians 5: 22-24

If you’re getting into marriage, the biblical instruction for the wife is to submit to her husband in all things as the church submits to Christ. As a lady, you don’t have to get married. However, if you choose to, you become a ‘wife’ and the instruction to wives, is submission to your husband in all things. So if you marry the wrong guy, you are in for trouble.

In other words, the fundamental considerations if you’re a woman thinking about marriage is this:

  • Can I submit to this man in all things?
  • Do we agree in principle?
  • Do I agree in faith with his ways?
  • Do I agree with his preferences, values, ideologies, vision, and message?
  • Do I wholeheartedly accept his principles and submit to them?

If you marry someone because he has money, or you agree with him in some things, I can assure you that you will end up in misery.

This issue of partnering with the right person is so important that Jesus pointed out that only your disciple can be your family:

“Jesus replied to him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers? Pointing to His disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.

Jesus understood what his faith and message was; on that basis, he recruited people.

One of the first things that I checked in my wife, Sharon, before I married her, was a childlike disposition. I understand that knowledge is progressive; there are certain things I know today that I didn’t know back then. I had to ask myself, “Is she someone who can drop her own ways and follow mine?”

For the guys, that should be your consideration. You have to ask yourself, “Can she drop her opinions, her preferences, her career, to follow me in the same way she drops her name and her family background?” If the answer is no, just get the hell out of that relationship. It’s okay to be just acquaintances.

For a woman, the same review is important; can you drop everything you’ve known all your life to follow this guy? So it’s a different posture depending on your gender, according to the word of God.

You’ve got to get these things clearly, because if you get into a marriage relationship in violation of what I’ve taught you today, you’ve already failed in the second step for building a godly home. And what you’ll be dealing with is rehabilitation. You now need a restoration ministry, because damage has already been done.

So I’ve shown you the first principle, which is you being established in God’s ways. The 2nd principle is to recruit the right partner on the basis of the word of God.