A Marred Marriage Institution

One very important issue that I’ve raised in this series is the fact that the marriage institution in it’s current post-fall state, is a marred version of the original and so does not represent God’s perfect plan. It has several flaws, the most significant being that it has a curse-based leadership structure.
Every institution rises or falls to a level determined by it’s quality of leadership and I don’t see much future in the long-term scheme of things for an institution with a curse-based leadership structure!

In my personal opinion as a Pastor and counselor, I think that the failure rate of the marriage institution is quite high. I read that in USA, most marriages end in divorce. I also read that of those that don’t, most harbor a secret wish that things were different. It’s been proven time and time again that any time a society accommodates and tolerates the possibility of divorce, more people normally would take that option.

Here are some observations I recorded in an earlier post:

“My work as a Pastor takes me behind the scenes of so-called ‘happy’ and ’successful’ marriages in Africa. There I see a lot that is carefully screened from public view – ugliness, abuses, sadness, regrets, pain, and torture. These, as I’ve already said, are carefully veiled from the public. This has led to the illusion that because of the low divorce rate in African countries, these nations have better and longer lasting marriages. What a myth! The truth is that most marriages in Africa are held together for longer periods, not because of love, mutual understanding, common purpose/passion, etc., but rather because of cultural forces, fear, and ignorance!

A lot of women in Africa would rather remain single, but ultimately succumb to economic, family, peer, and cultural pressure to marry. Most live unhappily ever after, continually wishing it were possible to be single and still retain their dignity in the society. Many have told me, ‘I wish I had remained single, but what could I have done? I had no choice.'” ~ Choices

Of course, there are many happy and successful marriage experiences.
That, however, does not eliminate the conclusion the marriage institution in it’s current post-fall state is seriously marred and has a very high failure rate.

Realities of a new creation!

As a matter of fact, God’s final solution to the whole mess was to make a brand new creation in which there’s nothing like marriage! Jesus spoke of a new reality in which marriage was useless at Mark 12:25.
He clearly stated that anyone who can, even in the present order of things, should embrace the reality that “it’s better not to marry.” Read this for yourself at Matthew 19:10,11.

According to Galatians 3:28, there are no gender distinctions in this new creation! Gender distinction is a reality of the marred former creation, we know this much from Genesis 1:27; 5:1,2. In the new creation, however, gender distinction doesn’t exist; what we have are gods!

The Apostle Paul’s personal preference on this matter was for a non-marital status; a preference which he modeled in his own life! His position on this matter reveals a deep appreciation of the marred nature of the current marriage institution. According to him, “I would like you to be free from concern…”(I Corinthians 7:32)
I must point out here that he did not command this status, he only expressed it as a personal preference.

Through personal development, and a spiritual metamorphosis I’ll write on later, it is possible to experience the realities of this new creation even in this present age! For those who are able to metamorphose into this higher reality, marriage is not necessary; it’s permitted, but not expedient. As I see it, this is the position of Jesus and Paul on this matter.

Please, don’t miss my point: the marriage institution in it’s current post-fall state, is a marred version of the original and so does not represent God’s perfect plan. It has several flaws, the most significant being that it has a curse-based leadership structure.

Why is it still here?

Well, why is an older, flawed version of any software still being used even when better versions are available? I believe you know the main reasons, one of which is that this situation provides an option for those who are unable , for myriads of reasons (including ignorance), to upgrade to the new version!

The human, though he possesses a willing and capable spirit, is weak in the flesh. This is very unfortunate as most of the times, the potentials of the human spirit is sabotaged by the weaknesses of the flesh. The frailties of the fallen human nature often hinders the realization of the possibilities of the human spirit. This is why most people can’t even imagine the possibility of realities other than their current prison yards!

If you can, I challenge you to embrace the new creation realities!
The current marriage arrangement is no longer expedient for a life of relevance, significance, and fulfillment!Both Jesus and the Apostle Paul said it, and they modeled it too in their earthly lives.

Of course, provided you also do away with the other features of the older version such as fornication and adultery!
That’s major cost of the upgrade.

Keys to a successful marriage experience

Now, for any woman who chooses to participate in the experience of the post-fall marriage institution, here are some important keys to counter the negative impacts of it’s inherent flaws:

  1. Know your mission, purpose, values, priorities, and so on, before entering into any marriage contracts. Define the terms of the union clearly and ensure that he understands these terms clearly and subscribes to them without any reservations.
  2. Choose someone you can submit to from the onset. Remember, this is still a marred version because it has a curse-based leadership structure – “…and he will rule over you.” If you choose to enter into a clearly marred institution, this is a very significant price you’ve got to pay.
  3. Even the post-fall marriage institution is by choice – it’s not by force! You are not a slave or a prisoner. So the moment the terms of agreement in the relationship are being consistently violated, it’s within your rights to withdraw from the union in full view of the consequences of such withdrawal for all concerned parties.

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OK, I see what you’re getting at now.


In a world where spiritual blindness is predominant, a lot of things have little relevance! What’s the relevance of, say, a good stock option to the sensibilities of a 5 year old girl?
This post is not primarily about fornication, but I’ll just add here that it will take a while before materialistic-bound men (on a free fall, BTW) come to terms with the consequences of violating spiritual and universal laws.

If you understand the whole premise for this post – A Marred Marriage Institution; due to a CURSE-BASED LEADERSHIP STRUCTURE – you will realize what my real suggestions are.
God’s solution was not to correct the leadership structure, and that’s not my intention either! His solution was to set up a new creation where marriage is simply irrelevant.

So getting into a marred system is a risk, anyone’s choice; the best I can do is to recommend keys for minimizing the impact on you.

My sincere suggestion is this, if you can, don’t get into it!!!


There are a few things in this post I don’t understand.

Why do you refer to the doing away with fornication as a major cost to the upgrade? I can’t help but feel that the concept of fornication has little relevance in today’s world.

Also, you’re suggesting that a woman submit to her husband? I don’t understand this at all. It seems rather incongruous with the rest of what you say in this series of articles.

Would you mind shedding a little light on these statements?